... let's see, you have to pick a number between one and one billion. Before you say this is too hard, here are some clues:

1)take my age minus one
2)add the number of times Pat Lamb has been thrown out of the Red Dolly and the number of feet she went before landing
3)divide by the average sales price of the Playboy Video Room Key at the Palms gift shop
4)multiply by the number of times Bob Gabel visited the casino he went to most often in the year 2002
5)divide by the number of Glory Hole cards on E-Bay this year
6)add the atomic half life of a slot card from the Nuclear Test Site Casino at Area 51.
7)subtract one for every time any slot card collector has ever been told, "No, you can't have a blank card!"
8)add one back for every time any slot card collector has been told by another person at the same casino, "Sure, you can have one."
9)add one hundred for every card in my collection with Carol Wendleton, Albert Scalzo, Jim Munding or Carolyn Donley's name on them.
10)add in the number of miles that all 187 members of PACK have driven during the year 2002 in traveling to any casino to gamble, eat, or collect chips and/or cards (Miles only count when the member did the driving! Bus trips and non-member spouse's driving do not count!)

and, finally...

11)divide by my hat size and multipy by my shoe size.

No entries will be allowed until January 2nd at noon. In case of a three-year late Y2K bug (You never know...) all entries must be written on the back of a one-hundred dollar bill and mailed to...

oh, I cannot go any further with this joke. No matter how hard I try to make it ridiculous, somebody out there will actually try to send the answer. (Oh, the answer was 7,324,947.00714) Of course, you all knew that. Didn't you???